Finding An Understanding
by skywolf666
Summary: Killing civilians was not a part of their training. It was not meant to be a part of their lives at all, as knights, or as nobles. Yet she had called it the cost of war, and Dimitri hadn't been able to accept such a thing. It was cold and unfeeling, just as she was. At least, that had been his thoughts until he saw her picking up the fallen pieces of the one most affected. (BL)


**White Clouds**

**Garreg Mach Monastery (Dormitories)**

**Blue Sea Moon**

**Year 1180**

"Professor."

The word still sounded so unnatural to her ears, despite it being her third moon now using the title, but Raine found herself stopping dead in her tracks at the call anyway by sheer instinct. She had just been about to duck into her quarters to finish up with the next week's lesson plan with the last of the afternoon sun hanging in the sky, but hearing the voice of her house's leader quickly put all such thoughts aside. She turned on her heel to see him at the foot of the small staircase that led to her quarters, arms folded politely behind his back and standing a respectable distance away as he watched her closely with those sharp sea-blue eyes of his. Her hand pulled on the door she had just opened to close it as she looked at him and replied questioningly, "Dimitri? Is there something you need?"

The prince of Faerghus nodded slightly, though he seemed somewhat abashed at his professor's sharp gaze sweeping over him searchingly. Like always, she pierced him through, seeming to reach into his head to try and pluck out his thoughts, but he understood now that it was not callousness that made her eyes seem so sharp. It was just curiosity and her strange way of expressing it, and he was growing more and more used to her odd expressions throughout the days they spent as professor and student. He took one step back before lowering his head a little as he replied, "If I may impose, Professor... I was hoping to speak with you?"

It wasn't the first time a student had called for her out of the blue, though Raine admitted she still felt surprised each time it happened. The conversations that followed were always of interest to her, always giving her glimpses of her students that she did not see in their day-to-day interactions, and she had begun to grow a little fond of them. It was nice to hear them speak to her, to see them smile or confide in her or even ask for advice, and though she admitted to being out of her depth, it did not stop her desire to help whenever she could do so. Now felt like it would be much of what she was growing used to, and she leaned back on her now-closed door before answering with a nod of her own, "Of course. Is here all right, or would you prefer to go somewhere else?"

"No, I believe here is just fine... May we sit?"

Another nod, and Raine sat down without preamble on the top step as she watched Dimitri expectantly. He looked... almost nervous. She had come to learn that he could be surprisingly awkward at times, though she didn't entirely understand where it came from. He had a tendency to avert his eyes from her, as if her gaze made him uncomfortable, and so it surprised her when he swallowed audibly and came to join her on the top of the staircase. He sat down next to her without ceremony, folding his arms over his knees before turning his head to look at her. His expression remained somewhat anxious, and with the weight of her waiting on him, he began somewhat hesitantly, "I, er... I wished to speak with you about a previous conversation we had. After the business with Lord Lonato, in the Kingdom... I grew angry with you when you said that the deaths of civilians was the price of war. And though I apologized for my outburst, I... I believe that I owe you another apology."

"Dimitri, you were upset at the time. Rightfully so. Quelling the rebellion there was not an easy task for anyone, and it was not what we had been called to do in the first place. You had every right to be upset at the events, and at what I said." Raine disagreed with a sharp shake of her head, and she was both surprised and mildly confused by the fact that he wished to dredge up the conversation again after his clear upset with it. She had understood his point of view, had understood why it had upset it so much, and she had no desire to push him again after seeing the way it had shaken most of her class. Suppressing a rebellion full of civilians rather than soldiers was not what she had thought she was training them for, and it was of no surprise to her that they had taken it, and the consequences afterwards, quite hard. Knowing that their actions had led to the deaths of civilians... No, none of that was anything they had expected. "It was a tragedy for all of those involved. I'm only sorry our mission went so awry in the first place. It's not something any of you should have experienced."

"It _was _a tragedy... but that isn't why I wish to apologize to you again, Professor." Dimitri disagreed with a shake of his own head, and he found his shoulders slumping low as he looked out across the courtyard rather than to to his professor as she watched him curiously. He had thought her callous, then. Brushing aside the bloodshed and wielding her sword without any regard for who the enemy in front of her was. Her comments after the battlefield had only made him think her as cold as ice, dismissing the sacrifices Lord Lonato's people had been willing to make for him as par the course for war, but now he was aware that she was not as unfeeling as he had believed.

He had seen her afterwards, only a few days later, with Ashe in the chapel. Comforting their young archer as he grieved over the death of his friends and his adoptive father with a gentleness he had never expected their professor to show. She had looked uncomfortable, her brow pinched and her words obviously hesitant, but her care had been just as clear. She had laid a hand on Ashe's shoulder as she sat beside him on the pew, speaking quietly to him and allowing for him to cry when it as clear nobody else had any idea how to approach their fellow classmate after what had taken place.

Yet she had done so in all of their places, and without any urging or prompting. Had sought him out shortly after the ordeal to ensure he was okay, and was ready and willing to help him pick up the pieces when he had proved that he wasn't. Where had the rest of them been when Ashe had needed their support? Nowhere to be found. All of them were too absorbed in their own horror and grief, not thinking beyond themselves when one of their own sorely needed them. It made him ashamed, both as a prince and as a so-called friend... and now as a student. He had judged his professor too harshly, without waiting to see her true character, and the guilt stabbed him deep in the stomach and made him wish he was better at restraint.

"Professor... I misjudged you." Dimitri's words came slowly, haltingly as he forced his eyes away from the trees and back towards his professor. She sat quiet and still beside him, watching him closely, but no longer did he feel discomforted by her sharp cerulean eyes. He saw deeper into them now, and could see that flicker of warmth and concern that was buried deep enough that it forced one to look if they truly wished to know it was there. He was a fool for having not seen it before, and that guilt forced him to continue on despite his immense self-loathing for his misstep in the first place, "I insulted you after the battle, thinking that you cared little for the deaths there, and even less for the deaths you may have caused in your occupation as a mercenary. I did not think to ask you for your opinion, and instead only projected an image of you I had onto you. I was wrong for that. You do care. I... I saw you comforting Ashe, in the chapel. You would not have done that if you were incapable of compassion. And I am truly sorry that I did not take the time to understand you."

Raine didn't answer for a moment, absorbing his words and wondering at them in confusion. Ashe had been suffering, lost in grief and confusion and a desire for understanding that he simply could not have now that his adoptive father was gone. It was true that his siblings had survived the insurrection, but that was still small comfort compared to the battle he had fought against his former friends. He was in need of someone to lean on, and was clearly determined to try and shoulder it all alone. She had done only what she had thought was the right thing to do, as both someone experienced in taking lives, and now the one responsible for taking care of them as a professor.

She brought her knees to her chest thoughtlessly, looking down as she wondered if she had even done any good for her student. His hurt had been clear and brilliant, making her wince just to look at those shining green eyes that were threatening to spill with his tears. He was grieving, and hadn't been given any time to unpack his emotions. No, instead he had been thrown right back into the life of a student and a knight-in-training, forced to acknowledge that he had done the "right thing" despite how much it obviously was killing him. Mourning a man now branded a criminal, a heretic, by the church... It had to have felt forbidden.

_"Ashe... You know that you're permitted to mourn for him. Whatever actions he took against the church, it doesn't change the man he was to you and your family." She sat quietly next to him, watching her student as he bowed his head into his tightly clasped hands as if he was praying unceasingly for the soul of the man he had played a part in killing. The man who had been like his father. The pain that twisted his freckled face made her chest ache with sympathy for him, and she reached out hesitantly, slowly, to place a hand on his quivering shoulder as she continued, "Mourning his loss isn't a sin, no matter what the church may have judged him as. I won't blame you if you need a few days, or more, to come to terms with it. It's all right to feel like you do, and no one was a right to say otherwise. If I lost my father, even to the same circumstance... I'd feel the same way as you."_

_It was a kindness he obviously did not expect, as he jerked at her touch and made her quickly withdraw it from him. But he looked to her all the same, those bright green eyes of his wide and brimming with tears that he had been fighting so hard not to shed. She could still hear his useless pleading after the fight, about knowing how he had to do what he had, but there was no hiding his deep regret and shame. He wanted to erase it. Wanted to turn back the hands of time to undo the mess he had a hand in creating, and she could not blame him for his regret and guilt even as he asked hopelessly, "You don't believe he did anything wrong?"_

_"That's difficult to judge." Raine replied honestly, and her eyebrows furrowed as she wondered how best to answer such a loaded question. Judging right and wrong on the battlefield seemed like such a useless endeavour. There was no right and wrong when swords were drawn and blood was flowing freely... There was only survival. Still... She began slowly, struggling to find the right words for her student, "I... I don't believe that _he_ believed he was doing anything wrong. His men, his people, all followed him without hesitation. That loyalty came from somewhere pure, at the very least. He fought for what he believed in. Whether or not that was wrong... I don't think I have a right to decide that."_

_Ashe's eyes closed for a long moment, as if he was drinking in her words like a man who had been dying of thirst, and for a moment she wondered if she had erred terribly in speaking at all to him. Then his expression changed, from one wracked with pain to something almost resembling a sort of peace. His hands relaxed, falling back into his lap though they did not unclasp from his symbol of prayer as he let out a long breath. When he opened his eyes again the sign of tears still remained, but there was a new calmness to him as he spoke in a voice thick with pain and yet somehow steadier than before, "Thank you, Professor... It's... comforting to hear someone say... that he was more than just a criminal."_

_"He was your father, wasn't he? Blood or no, you loved him dearly, and he loved you. Isn't that more than enough?" Raine felt herself ache with the idea that her student was struggling to mourn simply before of a label that had been applied to his adoptive father. She did not understand the church, despite her many efforts to try. Their logic was sound enough, in its own strange way, but it discomforted her all the same. Perhaps he was a heretic in the church's eyes, but to raise a sword to them for what he believed to be the wrongful death of his son... She could also understand that. It made her shake her head, wishing that the life she now lived was as simple as it had been when she was a mercenary, but those days were now long behind her._

_Instead she could only embrace the role she had been given, as a professor and a protector to these young men and women put under her care, and she took that to heart as she cast aside her yearnings. They had no place here. They would do her no good here. She was now a leader, and it was her duty to protect the ones in her care, just as her father did with every single man that had belonged in his camp. She turned slightly in the pew, looking at Ashe directly now as she continued on firmly, plainly, "Ashe, I promise you, you will never hear me say that he was anything less than your family. And the loss of any family is something that deserves to be mourned. If anyone tells you otherwise, send them to me. If anyone decides you need to be punished for your connection to him, then send them to me. I won't allow for you to suffer further. You've had enough of it. I will protect you, Ashe. I promise."_

_"Even from the archbishop, Professor?"_

_For a brief moment, Raine wondered if he was testing her, or if perhaps he was genuinely concerned that the wrath of the church could be turned on him now that Lonato was dead and buried alongside his son. It was a pointed question, one that was dangerous to answer, but Raine understood his need to ask it. He was frightened. For himself, for what he had done, and for the unknown future that seemed much more dangerous than it had just a single moon ago. The church's reach was long, and it brooked no fool, no sinner, and no threat. He had every right to be afraid that he might be next._

_Still, she shook her head. It did not matter. She did not fear the church, or the archbishop. The warnings both her father and brother had given her had proven to be accurate, she wouldn't deny it, and now that she had seen their swords in action, the Knights were indeed the arm that the church needed in order to exercise their will... Yet, still she did not fear it. Instead she only felt defiance. She had made up her mind the moment she had been told this house was now hers to lead, and it made her both reckless and carefree as she answered him honestly, "If I had to take on the church to protect my students, I'd do so in a heartbeat, Ashe. I didn't take this position willingly, I'll admit that much, but I never do anything by half-measures. I am a professor, and that means that you all are under my care. I'll do anything and everything for every last one of you, regardless of what it might mean for me. If the archbishop was to judge you because of your association to Lord Lonato... I wouldn't stand for it, and I would do everything in my power to keep you safe, and keep you here. I promise you that, too."_

"You promised him that you would do everything in your power to protect him. To protect all of us. Even from the Church of Seiros itself, should it ever come to that. And... to be frank, hearing you say such a thing surprised me." Dimitri's voice was quiet, and his eyes remained downcast as his hands clenched on top of his knees as if he was fighting back anger. Raine could only watch him in silence, wondering how she hadn't known he was there, and why he felt the need to confront her about the interaction now. "When you first arrived here... No, when I first met you, I will admit... You unnerved me. You showed no emotion. Not happiness, not anger, nothing at all... I believed you didn't care for us. Now, I know how wrong I am. You aren't emotionless. You simply have difficulty expressing yourself. I misjudged you greatly. Hearing you say so bluntly that you'd fight against anything for our sakes... I couldn't simply pretend to have not heard it. And I owe you an apology for all I've done up until now. You deserved better from your student, and from the house leader of the Blue Lions. I will not misjudge you again, Professor. And I shall from today forward treat you with the respect you deserve."

It was heartfelt, and clearly difficult for him to say as he was both admitting to wrongdoing by eavesdropping and holding her in contempt, but Raine was slightly surprised by how little she minded. It stung, but only a small bit, and she was easily able to put it aside. It wasn't as if she had made much of an effort to show her emotions about her students, and only now was she beginning to feel comfortable enough with them, and with herself, to try to do so. Perhaps something dire had been needed to prompt her to open herself up, but she didn't wish to dwell on it. It was not the first time someone decided for her what she could or could not feel, and she doubted it would be the last... but hearing Dimitri apologize so fervently was enough to make her lips quirk slightly upwards with both amusement, and a strange feeling of warmth that began somewhere in her middle and began spreading outwards. "It's all right, Dimitri. I understand. You're not the first person to make assumptions about me. I've grown rather used to it."

"That doesn't make it right. Especially when it's so blatantly false." Dimitri's eyes narrowed at her waving off of his behaviour, and he wondered momentarily just how used to it she was that even an apology barely seemed to phase her. It was as if she expected no less, and didn't see the need for an apology whatsoever. Did she not care about what the world thought of her, or had she just grown so used to it that she was now numb to the hurtful assumptions of strangers? Neither was acceptable to the prince, and his narrowed eyes made that more than clear as he stood up thoughtlessly, "Professor, you are a human being with emotions. Surely you've felt hurt before when someone dismissed that fact. Surely I've hurt you. I won't stand for that to be the norm for you. You deserve far better. As a professor, and as a person. Even if you are used to it... I won't allow it to stand."

"What do you intend to do?"

"You swore to protect us. And so I will swear to protect you, in return. Perhaps you do not need it. No, most certainly you don't. You are far more skilled than I, in tactics and in battle... but that does not matter." Dimitri shook his head with a wry smile, and he was well aware of how foolish he had to sound despite his good intentions. Yet, he did not care if he was making a buffoon of himself. He had wronged her, wronged her greatly, and there was no other way that he could see himself repaying her for it. He placed his fist over his heart, face stern and his eyes blazing as he continued fiercely, "I am crown prince of Faerghus, and I will not allow my mistakes to go uncorrected. I owe you a great debt for saving my life when we first met, and I rewarded you with mistrust and allowed it to cloud my judgement. No more. You are my professor, and I will do all I can in order to rectify my errors. So I shall stand with you and become your sword and shield until I have repaid my debt. It is only right."

"Dimitri, that is so beyond necessary that I don't even think I have the words for it. Your first duty is to your kingdom, not to someone like me. I appreciate the sentiment, I do, but it's really not that important." Raine found herself stumbling over her words again at the bold claim her student was making, and moreso at that odd heat that was threatening to climb up her neck and into her face. Why did she feel so awkward at his declaration of protection? It wasn't the first time she had received one. Both her father and brother had made it explicitly clear that her safety always came first to them. Perhaps it was because they were family? She wasn't sure. But she was quick to swallow it down as best she could as she, too, stood up and explained gently, "You've already apologized. That's more than enough for me, even if I don't think it was really needed. You didn't know me then. Now you do. Such things take time. I can wait for that."

"Yet..."

"We've still a long year ahead of us, don't we? To learn more about one another, and our comrades. Starting off on the wrong foot doesn't mean that whole future is dictated by it. You've already corrected yourself. It's not a bother, it's not an insult, and I accept your apology. I don't want you worrying yourself unnecessarily about me." Raine continued firmly, but still gently as she took in the troubled expression the prince wore with that strange warmth still humming about her skin. She had a difficult time understanding him, but that didn't matter over much. He was earnest and kind, and she was only grateful that he thought so much of her that this meant a great deal to him in the first place. "It's all right. I hope we continue to get along."

"If... you insist, Professor..." Dimitri seemed to deflate, but her expression had changed from watchful and curious to something almost approaching a smile. There was a certain warmth in her eyes that was undeniable as she looked at him, though her lips were only raised the barest amount that couldn't truly qualify for the proper expression. Still, it was enough to prove that she meant every word she was saying, and there was no reason for him to push. He had made his point, even if it had not gone over quite as well as he wished it did. "However, I do intend to continue to worry about you regardless of what you say. You are my professor, and I am your student. That is only natural, is it not?"

"Returning what's given to you? I suppose that's fair enough. I'll agree with that." Raine nodded, but a cursory look at the young man standing beside her proved that he still wasn't entirely satisfied even by her agreement. He wanted something else, something more, and again she found herself wondering just what it was that made him worry so much. She could not turn back time, not far enough for it to really matter for him anyway, but the mere errant thought was enough to bring the faintest hints of a smile to her face as she extended her hand out to him, "If our first meeting and all that followed wasn't satisfactory... Shall we simply start over?"

Dimitri stared at her extended hand for a moment like he'd never seen it before, and he swallowed quite audibly before glancing back up at her face as if for reassurance. She was watching him again, expectantly but somehow also gently, and he took in a breath as he understood what kind of chance she was giving him. It wasn't one he had asked for even though he dearly did want it, and he was glad, and somewhat embarrassed that she had so accurately hit upon the core of his concerns. He took her hand after a moment, pausing for a heartbeat to marvel at how small and soft it felt in his own despite her lifetime of swordsmanship, and squeezed carefully as he introduced himself yet again, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Professor. My name is Prince Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd, of the Holy Kingdom Faerghus. I hope to learn all I can from you from this day forward."

Raine heard him fumble with his words, and that strange warmth magnified itself somewhere deep in her chest as she felt the careful, almost gentle pressure enclose around her hand. She had seen him break everything from sewing needles to cast-iron lances with those hands, and yet he now was holding hers like it was the most frail of spun glass. She appreciated the gesture even though she was not entirely sure why, and she returned his pressure as she shook his hand and answered politely, "And I am Raine Esiner, daughter of Jeralt, The Blade Breaker. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Dimitri."

**AN:**

**Hands, hands, hands... I love the motif of hands between Dimitri and Byleth. And with that said... Whoops, there go my shipping goggles. Sorry to disappoint you, guys, if you weren't expecting this. But yes, I am one of those fangirls, and Dimitri/Byleth is my absolute favourite ship for Three Houses when I'm playing a female. As for the male... Well, that'll show up in due time, as I figure out exactly how and when I want to showcase it. Warin being Warin in this sorta-AU is making things a little difficult. But I'm sure I'll work it out as I go. I always tend to, anyway!**

**Now, we're on track and moving, and I am quite happy with the results. (And am a bit surprised by how I've cranked out so many pieces in such a short period of time!) Here's hoping it stays with me, y'know? I do want to write about the War half of the game, but getting there... There's so many things I want to write about, but I don't want to leap out of order. It's an annoying habit of mine. I want to have all this proper build-up and relationship groundwork laid, so when it hits, it hits like a goddamn freight train... but that requires so much woooooorrrk. I'm a big baby. X'D**

**Anywhosit, there's my fourth piece of the AU. If you've any parts of the Blue Lions path, pre-timeskip, that you'd like to see mentioned, please hit me up with a prompt or two. Who knows, maybe I'll write about it! With all the buzzing going around in my head, I feel like I could write out a novel. If only my poor wrists would let me sit down and do it. Wouldn't it be awesome if I could just transcribe my thoughts to the screen...? Man, oh man. I wish.**

**Mood: Burned Out.**

**Listening To: "Home" - Casey Lee Williams (RWBY Volume Four)**

**~ Sky**


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